My Fleeting Flirtation with TikTok

Like many people, I fell in love with comedian Sarah Cooper earlier this year. I wanted to easily find all her Donald Trump lip-syncing videos, and I heard she was posting them on TikTok, so I downloaded the app onto my phone.

Coincidentally, I had put myself in a social media “time-out” right before taking the plunge into TikTok. In quick succession, I had removed Facebook, then Instagram, and then Twitter from my phone. Each time I deleted an app, I found myself spending more time scrolling on whatever remained. I even took to scrolling on LinkedIn for a brief period! So, I’m sure you can guess what happened next.

First, when you download TikTok, the app asks you to check off what topics interest you. The subjects I selected seemed innocent enough, but the outcome was an endless stream of girls in bikinis doing identical dance routines.

This should have scared me off, and yet it didn’t. Fascinated, I scrolled and scrolled through videos of young women with seemingly perfect bodies, beautiful hair, and not half-bad dance moves. I started to feel bad about my own appearance, which is pretty stupid given the vast age difference between me and these video stars. Even the moms showing off their youthful good looks were at least a decade younger than me.

Disconcerting thoughts popped up: I’m pretty sure we didn’t have butts like that when I was a teenager! Was I ever that flexible or sexy? Could I get away with wearing an outfit like that at my age? And how come everyone lives in such a fancy, pristine house?

I had to remind myself that I was seeing these specific videos because they were among the most popular content on TikTok. Not everyone posting on the app looks or moves like that or has a closet full of trendy clothes.

The videos started playing in my head even when I wasn’t scrolling. Thus, after only a few weeks, I banished TikTok from my phone. Perhaps it was just a weird phase I went through in a relentlessly awful year.

Still, I’m mad at myself for falling prey once again to the idea that being “hot” is the ultimate achievement for women of all ages. For goodness’ sake, I worked at a feminist organization for 18 years and helped create content for a campaign promoting positive body images. Maybe that’s why I loved working on that project—because I was intimately familiar with the how the media exploit and even cultivate our personal insecurities.

Well into middle age, I haven’t really recovered from the sense that life would be better if I were more attractive. Instead, my fixations have simply shifted. Rather than hating on my big nose, my stubby legs, or my frizzy hair, now I’m more obsessed with my saggy neck, my stomach cellulite, or the gray in my hair.

As I try to escape this feeling of beauty inadequacy, the practices that work the best are spending less time looking in the mirror and waaaay less time scrolling through social media. When I’m moving my body as opposed to focusing on its reflection, I forget about my self-doubt.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still on social media—and Instagram is back on my phone. But these days I consciously concentrate on the accounts I have deemed worthy of my attention, and I do my best to avoid the content served up through ads or the search function.

My recommendation: Identify why and how you want to use social media and stay within those margins!

What to Binge After Tiger King – Part I

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Looking for something to binge watch during your home quarantine, now that you’ve seen Tiger King and Love is Blind? Well, as some of you may know, I watch a lot of TV. It’s been that way since I was a wee child and our TV sat on a wheeled cart that we swiveled back and forth between the dining room and the living room.

I’ve struggled to tame my media over-consumption for years now, and considerable progress has been made. My eyeballs are no longer glued to the screen unless I’m watching something I consider “must see TV.” But there’s a lot of good stuff out there, folks, and thanks to my husband we have every pay channel and streaming service known to humankind.

So, I am kindly sharing hundreds (if not thousands) of hours of research with you. Due to the sheer volume, my recommendations will be offered in parts—a limited series, if you will. This first part covers my favorite half-hour shows that first premiered during the past decade. Each show listing contains no more than 280 characters—just the basics to help you decide if each show is for you.

Enjoy!  Much more to follow during these cloistered times…

Half-Hour Shows (recent-ish—started in 2011 or later):

Barry

HBO; 2 seasons so far (2018-?)

From IMDB: “A hit man from the Midwest moves to Los Angeles and gets caught up in the city’s theatre arts scene.”

My opinion: Probably one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen. Brilliant, quirky cast. Moody, wacky, bingeable. Alert: Very violent.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

NBC/Hulu; 7 seasons so far (2013-?)

From IMDB: “…an immature but talented N.Y.P.D. detective comes into conflict with his serious and stern new commanding officer.”

My opinion: Gleefully goofy, charming cast, both broad and subtle jokes. Just try not to smile!

Catastrophe

Amazon Prime; 4 seasons (2015-2019)

Summary: Rob (from the U.S.) and Sharon (living in London) try to turn a hook up into a committed relationship.

My opinion: Hilarious, raunchy, unexpected, and engaging. If you’ve ever been part of a couple, you can’t help but relate.

Dead to Me

Netflix; 1 season, second one coming soon (2019-?)

From IMDB: “A powerful friendship blossoms between a tightly wound widow and a free spirit with a shocking secret.”

My opinion: Darkly funny, adult, lots of great twists, immensely bingeable. Two fabulous leading women.

Dear White People

Netflix; 3 seasons, fourth coming soon (2017-?)

From IMDB: “At a predominantly white Ivy League college, a group of black students navigate various forms of racial and other types of discrimination.”

My opinion: Funny, compelling, hugely entertaining, winning cast.

Enlightened

HBO/Amazon Prime; 2 seasons (2011-2013)

Summary: After a breakdown followed by a spiritual awakening, a woman makes it her mission to enlighten others and reform her workplace.

My opinion: Overlooked gem! Funny, bizarre, suspenseful, awkward. Laura Dern is fearless.

Fleabag

Amazon Prime; 2 seasons (2016, 2019)

From IMDB: “…a young woman trying to cope with life in London whilst coming to terms with a recent tragedy.”

My opinion: LOVE! Brilliant, hilarious, saucy, and touching. Second season is darn near perfect. Alert: Fourth-wall breaking.

The Good Place

NBC; 4 seasons total (2016-2020)

Summary: An eclectic group of characters explore what happens after death.

My opinion: Amazing cast, incredible concept, funny, intelligent, big-hearted, and full of interesting twists—what more could you ask for? A+ series finale.

High Fidelity

Hulu; 1 season so far (2020-?)

Summary: A record-store owner recounts her worst breakups while talking music w/friends.

My opinion: Zoe Kravitz is utterly cool AND relatable. Fun, hip, engaging, NYC-drenched. Alert: Lots of drinking/substance use, fourth-wall breaking.

Homecoming

Amazon Prime; 1 season, second one coming soon (2018-?)

From IMDB: “Heidi [Julia Roberts] works at Homecoming, a facility helping soldiers transition to civilian life.” Or are they?

My opinion: Intense, creepy, riveting, thought-provoking. A must for conspiracy fans.

The Last Man on Earth

Fox/Hulu; 4 seasons (2015-2018)

From IMDB: “…after a virus wiped out most of the human race, Phil wishes for some company, but soon gets more than he bargained for.”

My opinion: Hilarious, dark AND silly. Perhaps too timely? End of series leaves things hanging.

Mrs. Fletcher

HBO; 1 season so far (2019-?)

From IMDB: “A single mom whose son moves out for college begins a new life on her own.”

My opinion: Fun, provocative, complicated, and surprisingly tender. Alert: If “unconventionally sexy” gives you pause, maybe skip this one.

Russian Doll

Netflix; 1 season so far (2019-?)

Summary: A woman in Manhattan keeps reliving her same birthday party, trying to figure out how to break the time loop.

My opinion: Funny, edgy, mind-blowing, totally binge-worthy, top-notch cast, tight plot. A must for New Yorkers.

Servant

Apple TV+; 1 season so far (2019-?)

Summary: A husband tries a unique approach for dealing with a family tragedy while his wife hires a mysterious nanny.

My opinion: Super creepy, gothic, juicy performances, food fixation, keeps you guessing. Alert: Not for weak stomachs.

Shrill

Hulu; 2 seasons (2019-2020)

Summary: A young woman seeks creative and professional fulfillment and a satisfying relationship.

My opinion: Aidy Bryant rules! The whole cast is incredible. Funny, touching, surprising, inspiring, unapologetically fat-positive. Don’t miss out!

Your feedback is welcome. Did my brief recommendations sufficiently steer you in the right direction? Got any recent half-hour shows you think I should watch?